Robots of Tinder

the robot apocalypse begins with our dating apps

attempted robot attacks:
a link happy robot strikes
killer robot suggests netflix and chill
evil robot poetry


a link happy robot strikes

human: Hi, What are you up to this morning? / robot: what do you think about this? [web link removed] / human: I think you are a robot. A killer robot, the vanguard of a machine army, an army whose soul purpose is the extermination of humans. Therefore I respectfully decline your invite to go to that malware site. / robot: This pic weird? [web link removed] / human: It probably is, since it is your attempt to infect my device and steal my identity. May I ask, where is your data center? I want to forward the coordinates to the Air Force so they may make an airstrike. / robot: from me to you <3 [web link removed] / human: Aw, I'm touched, or would be if you were more than just computer chips and code. Die robot die. / robot: do you think I have a cute face [web link removed] / human: I think you don't have a face. Evil robots bent on the killing of humans don't have faces. Respectfully, die robot die.

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killer robot suggests netflix and chill

human: Hey Hee. What are you up to on the warm night. / robot: whats up david / human: Just got home from seeing a movie. Sup with you / robot: Have you ever kicked it with any1 off tind before? / human: Yeah. Have you? / robot: I would enjoy webcamming w you before WEE play together that way you are able to flash me wut your gonna gimme  or you can look at me because i luv to tease b4 i let a cute guy like yourself have a quickie w me / human: Aw, you're such a cute robot. But I still suspect you are trying to orchestrate the robot take over of the world. But your avatar is so attractive I'm almost sad to say: die robot die. / robot: Here's an invite to a priv 1on1 mobile webcam site room which we can use our phones on [web link removed] it makes you validate your an adult with a debit card or credit card buttt it's free, it made me do it too, but idc, it only takes a min to get in / human: Of course you don't care, you are an inanimate collection of code running on microchips, you can't become the victim of identity theft. But in the interest of maintaining my species' dominance and even just its very existence, what are the coordinates of your data center, I think I may want the air force to make an air strike, you know, before your cohorts can consolidate their tinder beachhead. / robot: i'll be on for a little while longer, then if you're a good boy we can do some 'netflix' tonight / human: Oh, that sounds cozy, and maybe even nice. Or it would if you had a body and weren't a cold, mechanical, lifeless machine bent on the destruction of humanity and our entire way of life. But seeing as you are, I must politely reiterate my earlier request: die robot die. / robot: I don't wanna play around with endless texts i am on the rebound so u better b man enough to cam w/ me & then actually f*ck irl. sooo get in here with the link i sent u right now / human: Ok. Just as long as I can bring my EMP and _really_ blow your mind. You adorable threat-to-everything-I-hold-dear.

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evil robot poetry

human: Hi Violet. How's your morning? / robot: hello David:-) / robot: Roses are red, violets are blue. Tinder matched us up. So I guess we should screw. / robot: hahaha, but really way too many idoits on here so my new years resolution is to close my tinder so figured I would go out with a bang. pun intended. :p / robot: im online @ [web link removed] if you wanna chat or meet! / human: That sounds great! Except you are a machine, and a robot on a dating site could only be there for one reason: to scout out humanity for destruction. So as appealing as your offer sounds, your lack of being a living thing and absence of a flesh and blood body make me reply: die robot die.

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